To be a good Dad, look to the history of the Oval Office
“My father, Theodore Roosevelt, was the best man I ever knew,” wrote the 26th President of the United States.
His father, Theodore Roosevelt, Sr., died when Teddy was just 19 years old. TR wrote fondly of the elder Roosevelt, saying he “combined strength and courage with gentleness, tenderness, and great unselfishness,” pushing his four children academically, athletically, and interpersonally. He instilled a sense of the outdoors in the young, sickly future Rough Rider — who suffered from debilitating childhood asthma but would grow to be remembered for his bold and adventurous spirit.
On Father’s Day, we appreciate our own Dads (should we be lucky enough to have them) and — for those of us with children — anticipate the flood of golf clubs, power tools, and neckties. To understand the effect fathers can have on children, let the history of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue be our guide.
COVID-19 prevented a normal Fathers Day in 2020. Now, with the vaccines in arms and cases plummeting, families can once again gather for brunch.
In the White House, the atmosphere will surely be different, too.
The previous occupant of the Oval Office not only had what is seen to be a complicated relationship with his five children (from three different wives) but also with his late father.
Fred Trump, Sr., was — according to accounts — a tough, unloving sonofabitch who gave Donald nothing but a one-way trip to boarding school — and, of course, millions of dollars. He was a real estate mogul beginning in the 1930s who was investigated by the federal government for unfair practices, clearly teaching his second son everything he knew about business.
President Joe Biden, on the other hand, not only had what seems like a normal, loving relationship with his father (also a “senior”) but has made his children and grandchildren the centerpieces of his life. Biden, whose first wife and infant daughter were killed in the car accident that injured his two sons, has been through more than most could ever bear. This was compounded by the heartbreaking loss of his son, Beau, in 2015 from cancer, at just 46 years old.
It’s hard to look back on the history of our commanders in chief without thinking about the fathers (or lack thereof) who shaped them. Here’s a bit about them:
- Barack Obama’s father, a Kenyan immigrant, left home when his son was just two. He saw him only once more, for a period of a few days. Then, when Obama was in college, his father was killed in a car accident. The lack of the relationship so wounded him that he wrote a book about his quest to discover his paternal lineage in his 20’s.
- George W. Bush and George H.W. Bush are perhaps the most fascinating modern examples. Both were born into lives of wealth and privilege. The elder Bush grew up in Connecticut, the son of a banker turned US Senator. When war broke out in Europe, George — barely 18 — enlisted in the Navy and became a hero pilot who was shot down over the Pacific.
- W, on the other hand, bumbled through his early life, flying jets during the Vietnam War — over Texas. Not elected to any office until after his father’s 1992 reelection loss, the 43rd president justified the 2003 Iraq War by saying that Saddam Hussein was a bad guy, “who tried to kill my dad.”
- Neither Gerald Ford nor Bill Clinton knew their biological fathers. Both were raised by stepfathers whose names they took. (Imagine President Leslie Lynch King, Jr. or President William Jefferson Blythe, III?)
The last century is ripe with examples of complicated relationships between not only fathers of presidents, but presidents and their own children.
- Teddy Roosevelt’s daughter, Alice, had to contend with the ego of her father, who she said, “… always wanted to be the corpse at every funeral, the bride at every wedding, and the baby at every christening.”
- Despite their own ambitions, both Bushes, Clinton, Obama, Ford, Jimmy Carter, and even Richard Nixon seem like loving, caring fathers who wanted to see their children succeed above all else.
- Ronald Reagan was another story. The patron saint of the pre-Trump Republican party had a difficult relationship with his father, an alcoholic. Reagan’s kids had a tough time with their famous dad. His daughter, Patti, changed her name from Reagan to Davis (her mother’s maiden name).
- Perhaps the most complicated example is that of John F. Kennedy and his father, Joseph P. Kennedy, Sr. A demanding man, Joe pushed his nine children to succeed where he could not. When his oldest, Joe, Jr. was killed in World War II, the mantle fell upon Jack to pick up the pieces and become nothing short of the President of the United States.
- Kennedy was a rarity in another way, too. He was one of only seven presidents whose fathers lived to see them become Commander in Chief. The others were John Quincy Adams, Ulysses S. Grant, Millard Fillmore, Warren Harding, Calvin Coolidge, and George W. Bush. Adams and Bush, of course, followed in famous footsteps. Their dads were president, too.
But for those of us who don’t have a parent in the history books, Father’s Day is simply a good reminder not only of the men who raised us but of the fathers we aspire to be.
Many successful men (and women) have complicated relationships with their fathers and their kids, to be sure. While not necessarily unique, the relationships of presidents and their fathers are amplified, given the size and scope of the job. Those relationships, whether good or bad, can be instructive for how the rest of us raise successful children.
Whether or not success should be defined by becoming president is another story.
